just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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