I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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