if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
