At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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