just come out here and I will go home with you...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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