no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
