Will you blow on my dice?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you're hired as official boob wrangler
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
