3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
