wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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