She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
