so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
