This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
