well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
