my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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