If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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