Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your penis caused this!
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