I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
