Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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