I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
