Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the condom got lost in my hair
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
