She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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