is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
