i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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