I am puke
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
