I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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