i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
