It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
