there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize