I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
