these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
try to milk me bitch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
