i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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