Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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