90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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