also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
