im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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