six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
