I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
