He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
