So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
