Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
