she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
