I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize