I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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