I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A bitchslap is in order.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
