They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
