Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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