Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
