Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
