do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize