meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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