he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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