I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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