well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
