She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
