4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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