So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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