He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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