kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
