Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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