Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
