dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
