yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
