she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
