There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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