Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
