maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
