Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
