And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I could fuck to npr.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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