you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
