he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
