When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
