First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
