My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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